So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
