Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
