He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
