i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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