he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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