I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
