I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
