Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
