if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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