I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
