thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
