I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize