I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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