so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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