To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
