i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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