I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
