I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Duck Duck Cougar?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
