She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
