weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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