Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
