i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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