God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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