A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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