OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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