I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
