you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
