I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
