summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
