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• (317): View more from Indiana

  when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  you really are a gigantic fucking slut.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?

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• (914): View more from New York

  End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.

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• (516): View more from New York

  I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.

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• (956): View more from Texas

  found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.

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• (718): View more from New York

  knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.

  (1-870): View more from Arkansas

  You always know what to say to make me feel better.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS

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