he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
