i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
