im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
