i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
