I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
