...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
