Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
