you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
