Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
