he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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