True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I understand Curling. That high.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize