this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
