All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
