We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
