My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I looked at my own cervix.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
