Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
