Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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