@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
