Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
