I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A bitchslap is in order.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize