So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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