If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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