well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Your cock deserves a montage
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
