For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
