when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
