if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
