I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
