I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
