so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
