She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
