Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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