ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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