the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
