I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
