just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
