Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
