I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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