I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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