I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
