You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
