Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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