Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
