$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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