um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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