I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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