Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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