WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
