I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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