so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
