Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
