i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
