RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
